"My Misplaced But"
The last days of 2012, I made the difficult decision to take my life back and begin a personal journey of ‘restoration.’ I won’t pretend that I am so deep (nor you so ignorant) and attempt to tell you that it has been an easy journey! No – mine has not been “a crystal stair!” There have definitely been some splinters in my planks! Those splinters and uneven places made me avoid this task. I didn’t want to appear angry or bitter.
At the beginning of 2013, I had just walked away from an unhealthy 23-year relationship. And I found myself alone with my Self … and scared. I was scared because I wasn't sure what I would encounter in the near (or distant) future. I mean, I knew how to be a mom! I juggled baseball, boy scouts, and concerts! I knew how to be a wife - I could bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let him forget that he was ‘da man!’
So, when I found myself alone with me, I was … a little intimidated. I mean – 23 (25 really) years is a long time to be focusing on … everyone else. Everything was changing…no - I mean E-V-E-R-Y-thing and I was scared. You see, I hadn’t learned “the secret of ‘the but’.”
I even had to re-learn how to pray. One of my personal prayers is very simple. It goes like this “YOU Promised….” When things have overwhelmed me (as they sometimes have) and I have no more strength or tears, I have whispered to ABBA FATHER that “…YOU promised…I believe it ... because YOU promised…I'm looking forward to it ...because YOU promised...” The first time I said it, HE pulled women and men out of my memory and reminded me that if HE did it for them, HE will do it for me!” One day, I was in conversation with HIM and I said it again “… FATHER, YOU promised …” That day, HE reminded me of Jairus’ petition to JESUS to heal his daughter. And HE blessed them, and baby girl was made whole because of papa’s faith. But, on the way to Mr. Jairus’ house, there was this lady… who had ‘an issue’ …BUT when she touched Jesus' hem, she was made whole, too!
I love that story because I had an issue … a few issues ….okay – a whole rack of issues! BUT - HE promised! And Hallelujah – HIS promises are Yea and Amen.
I have lost …. things … people that were soo important to me … even a job … BUT – the Psalmist did say, “I have never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed begging bread…” And I believe that! It is so!
One morning, in 2013, after I had left my home, I was escorting my sons to school and I was feeling overwhelmed …and I heard this song. I was told that it came out in 2011 but I had NEVER heard it before February 2013. It was JJ Hairston and Youthful Praise singing, “After This!” They said, "There will be Glory - After This! There will be a Praise - After This!" … I believe that! Because there is a great cloud of witnesses that I can’t ignore - So shout out for Sarah and Haggar and Ruth and Naomi and Elizabeth and Mary and Dorcas and Phoebe….and ‘em!! And whootie-whooo for Abraham and Jacob and Joseph and David and Zechariah and Joseph too … and ‘em!! And I get excited when I mention them because everything that FATHER Promised them, are Our Promises, too!!!
Oh! Right! I didn’t tell you “the Secret of ‘the but’” … I was told that the word ‘but’ negates everything that was said before it in a sentence and if placed properly, BUT can radically change the meaning of the phrase that was spoken or written before it!
So – Yes - there have been splinters in my life…BUT…! Yes –there have been bare places on my staircases … BUT …! Yesss there has definitely been some … stuff … BUT … one day, it was time to erase those penciled-in-periods the enemy tried to put on my life story, insert a comma and the phrase "the enemy may shoot his best shot … BUT GOD! My Destiny and my Dreams are written in indelible with the MASTER’s Pen!! Oh- and by the way – I don’t look nothin’ like what I’ve been through!!! AMEN - it is so!!!!"