Rape
He took it by force! It was not of your will
So why have you lived years as if it is an ill?
You are living with the pain still giving him power
While you bathe time after time crying in the shower
In your mind, you still believe you did something wrong
Trying to scrub off all of that dirt so you can move on
But you were not dirty he was the dirty one
He took your innocence before your life begun
Getting caught up, and lost through the years
You learned to turn your pain inward instead of tears
You felt like your cry was not loud enough
And if that did not kill you, it would only make you tough
However, during those years you got lost somewhere in the shuffle
You became a people pleaser because your story was muffled
You felt ashamed and embarrassed around the few people that knew
Wishing that had not happened to anyone, ESPECIALLY YOU
Your teenage years progressively got worse
You had died but no one noticed because you did not leave in a hearse
Your soul had died but the human eye could not see
That you were just a shell with your inside empty
You did not learn who you were because that meant dealing with the pain
So every time you saw a storm you would run from the rain
However, you did gain strength in other ways
Just so, you could make it through your days
You became a controller so no one could control you
Even the door that brought you pain you gained power to
You begin to learn the art of sex well
But the invisible shackles still had you in a mental hell
You feared to say the powerful word NO
Because you buried the past but you did not let it go
From time to time, certain things would still spark a nerve
You became complacent and settled for less than you deserved
Never really learned what you liked or really wanted
Because of your past, you were still haunted
You never learned your true value or your worth
The Goddess that you are the mother of earth
Analyzing yourself, you said you are like grits
You take on the flavor of whatever fits
Raped the first time, very lost and confused
Emotionally scared and very badly bruised
The second time oh no it could not be
Out of all the women in the world, God why me?
The third time overwhelmed and just plain numb
Asking where is all of this coming from
No longer fighting because you gave up your will
While he lays on top of you and your body just still
You have focused on the lamp way across the room
Because the physical and mental pain was just too
much for you to consume
The 4th time the 5th time oh you just can’t count anymore
You left feeling dirty and your whole body is just sore
You look in the mirror to see if there is a sign on your face
What makes your temple Satan’s dwelling place
Demons being released time after time
Your body becoming the home of sexual crime
Your mind has built its own recycle bin
When the pain seems unbearable, you toss it, right in
However, you have not emptied it, so the baggage you begin to carry
Light on the outside but the inside quite the contrary
You just wanted someone to love you for whoever you were
But you did not love yourself because of the things that occurred
Not knowing you became an addict to affection and attention
This caused self-destruction beyond your own comprehension
You gave affection in abundance and you wanted it back
You begin to feign for it like a junky feigning for crack
You were almost to the point of selling your soul
That’s when you realized you had given God total control
You had to face what was deep down at the core
Because through the years, your inner cry you to
begin to ignore
Written by Glacia Townsend
February 12, 2002
